Thoughts...
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Lights, Camera, Action
As I finally found some quality time for myself, basically a time where I can just lay back and relax, I started thinking about how so much has changed, the new path my life is going, the extreme career choices-slash-shift that I went through, all the “wild went to town” activities that I’ve been doing and then, right then and there, in some weird and crazy “I’ve found the light kinda way”, I realized how time flies by so quickly and so rapidly, that I started asking myself, what have I been doing? It’s been over a year since I actually sat down and thought about life, and though so much has occurred and so much has changed, somehow I’ve come across the thought that somehow life maintains to progress exactly along the same circular course. Similar to the millennium’s fashion craze of revolving around the extremely overused 70’s fashion trends, we on the other hand, simply just revolve around our issues, our problems, and basically, our-plain-out-everyday-drama. Though several people believe that drama is what gives our lives, life and personality, it makes me wonder just how much drama does one person really have to take, to actually be alive? And to that extent, it makes me question all the drama that I’ve witnessesed and experienced first hand during the past year, and it does completely nothing but make me doubt and whine to myself, is all this drama really necessary?
For a friend of mine whose dramatic comeback on the love boat is more of a remake of the Titanic than the dream cruise we all hopefully envision ourselves taking, I couldn’t help but get tired of her dilemma and her mainstay never-ending concerns about her “special GO boy”. One day she’d tell us that they’re over, next day, they’re talking things out, and then surprisingly (or is it predictably), they’ll go with the flow and see how things turn out… for the Nth (multiplied by infinity) times. Maybe she’s a masochist and enjoys getting hurt and feeling whatever she feels half of the time, or maybe not… Maybe she needs drama and breaking up has become so routinely that it has to happen for their “acting careers” to progress and become “emmy-quality”, or again, maybe not… But as a person, and as a friend, looking from outside the relationship in, I can’t really say that what they have is healthy, nor is it something that I can see myself putting up with or having the will power to find the emotional strength and the passion to keep the relationship and sadly to say, the love alive. A person who surrounds herself with only the person she’s living for, is in my opinion, doomed to be alone. They become too needy, that in a sense, they’ll become someone who puts up with so much shit and so much drama, that in the end, they’re nothing more than an emotionally battered wife or, ghastly, shall I say it?, another Gigli or another Jersey Girl.
Now, in relation to her situation, I’ve always had the thought that everyone has a saturation point or to candidly put it, a point where we’re just over the top fed up with all the bullshit and all the drama that we have to deal with and muddle through, but I also believe that in some cases, we do have to be optimistic and at times, quite hopeful that through time and much needed reconstruction, everything will work out and somehow it will all get better. But then again, optimism can only take us so far, sooner or later, our cups will be more half empty, rather than our buoyant half full cups. If we see ourselves living our lives and getting married to this person, then we should definitely go for it… But we always have to consider that sometimes, we just have to realize the actuality of the situation and accept the fact that we have to stop living the life that we wish we will have, and live in the life that we have in front of us, and face our problems and base our decisions not for tomorrow, but for later today.
Now as for me, I started to think about my own personal drama. The drama about losing someone or being rejected, the drama of being someone who is always judged and constantly ridiculed, or as a whole, the drama of simply being myself. And basically, I came up with a thought that maybe we do need drama to live a healthy and interesting life. Without drama, our lives would be so “grayishly-black-and-white”, or to better put it, our lives would be so tedious, so mechanical, and so-over-the-top monotonous. Without drama and our past experiences, who would we be? Without the spontaneous roles that life demands from us, what kind of personality would we have? If we all had no issues and no problems, what would set us apart from everyone else? And again, who would be?
Drama is what shapes us, whether it’s too much or too little, it gives us our identity, our views and how we choose to live and “ad-lib” our life, and just like the movies it’ll keep us on our feet, it’ll makes us curious, at times, it’ll frighten us, occasionally it’ll makes us cry, once in a while, we’ll end up having the time of our lives, and sometimes, if we’re extremely lucky, we end up being madly and foolishly, crazy in love...
